Thursday, 20 April 2017

Time to move on

Looking forward not back.

Now than the Easter holidays are almost over it's time to move on. Move back to early starts, move back to running not coasting through life, move back to having days filled, move back to being me and taking part in life again. I've mentioned before, in a past blog, I can be quite stubborn and this I don't think is always a bad thing to be. Without being this stubborn I honestly don't think I'd be where I am now. I would have given up but I'm here and I'm fighting. I am not letting all that has happened lately get the best of me. It's happened and it's now gone. No I'll ever forget it or want to that little bit of fear about what could have happened to disappear. That is going to be what saves me next time.

Moving on...

We've spent time as a family with meals out and just hanging out together. It's been good. It's been really good. Our teens are at that age now where they don't want to be spending as much time with us, I get it, I understand it but that doesn't mean I like it. I know Mr Wonderful especially doesn't like it. It can be lonely if your the only parent in the house and they both lock themselves away in their rooms being 'teenagers' but we get it. I remember it well, although when I was a teen technology wasn't what it is today, hahaha we listened to our 'tunes' and read books or just spent time on our own. Now a days its like being out in the world with all the technology they have available to them so they never get the feeling or need to be alone. Personally I like being alone I think is good for the soul. If you can't be happy with spending time with you how can you expect others to want to be with you? Its a time to reflect, make choices without being influenced and find peace with what has happened around you. Much to much is made of having to be with someone all the time and having to share every last thing. Some things are to be just for you. Does that make sense? Obviously there are lots of things in this life time of ours that we HAVE to share, non negotiable. 

Starting a fresh.

With all that has happened I'm still me, always will be sorry but I'm going to try and make a new path for me. Make a happier version of me. The principles of the Reiki are something I'm still trying to live by and looking at everything with a more positive out look. I'm still me remember so there will be times that the negative thoughts will be there and probably voiced but I'm definitely try and be more positive. 
So I'm setting myself goals to keep me more focused. These are going to be my main principles.
  • Live everyday honestly
  • Be thankful for the big and small things in life
  • Not be angry find happiness in everyday
  • Be kind to every living thing with all my actions
  • Encourage others around me to be the best they can
  • To try everything in my power not tot worry or over think (this is the biggest challenge)

Lifestyle goals I am going to aim for are to be healthier which fits in well with all the goals above. Move more, eat healthier and be healthier. This will take time and I'm sure I will slip up but I refuse to berate myself any more or let others when I do. I'm going to spend as much time as I can with people who make me happy, family and friends. Laughter really is the best medicine as they say.

The last few days of this holiday is going to be all abut those goals I've set. Today is a lazy day (yes I know but I intend on walking the dog later) doing house jobs and spending some time with the Teen boy. Ok we are watching a horror movie and I am a real wimp but we are sitting on the same sofa spending time together. Teen girl had a sleep over here last night and we've all had a giggle this morning. So I'm content.
Tonight I meet with the girls to crochet and laugh. Laugh lots. Tomorrow is ladies who lunch, I'm so excited sorry girls. The weekend is family time, lots of family time and preparation for going back to school for the teens and I. 

May is going to jammed full of fabulous and exciting events, a wedding, a retreat, craft up meets and a lovely friends birthday so it's going to be very, very busy. The end of this month ends with a meal out with close friends who we've not been out with in a while and I'm sure as the MEN are driving this time its going to be a little different to usual (It will never happen but we can dream Sharon lol)

So this my ramblings for now, thank you for getting this far. 

Oh I nearly forgot. Hello Alex! Happy now 😂😂😂

Saturday, 15 April 2017

It's been a long while.....

It's been ages but I'm back!

Finding beauty around us.

There has been a lot happened since I last blogged, lots of it has been good and some of it has been dam right scary. They say live each day to the best of your ability and of late I've realised just how important that statement is. 

So what's new?

So at the start of this year I made a promise to my extended family that this years Christmas gifts would all be handmade and crafted. I spent time choosing patterns and falling in love with amazing wool and made a good start on completing two huge gifts. Who they are for? I'm unsure yet but they will all come together once I have everything I want to get done and then can choose what I want to give to whom. 

The two pieces I completed already have really gone down well with everyone I've shown so far for a second, third, millionth opinion which is always a fabulous confidence boost. Being crafty it's hard to trust your own judgement as you see so many wonderful pieces of work on the web and in groups your in that you begin to doubt your own abilities.  The fact that others would like duplicates of what you have created is a fabulous confidence boost. I have realised with events that have happened recently that sometimes I need to trust my judgement more and not worry about the consequences, this I'm sure without a doubt we are all very guilty of doing if we are honest to ourselves.

So my year has been bubbling along nicely. 

I've continued to battle the bulge, not as successfully as I'd like but that long battle is still on going. The intention is there every week I leave the slimming group and during the week but it never seems to stay 100% through out the week. I must and will change this. With new plans afoot I'm hoping things will soon change x

I meet weekly with the three crafty girls, I love my Thursday nights we laugh, giggle, put the worlds to right, (I tell you now between us the world would run far more harmoniously) be silly, support each other and share our skills to make ourselves more confident in new things. Most of all we are there for one an another and sometimes a silly message or a virtual hug goes a long way to making a day that little bit better. It's hard sometimes being so close to a group of people and not being able to do more to help them when they are having a hard time, thankfully we try to support each other and all our quirks as much as possible.

Something I'm working on. Something for me or not?

Meditation! Seriously I think I'd be even more of a fruit loop if it wasn't for Elly at Evangeline Therapies (she can be found on Facebook). The group I meditate with are a mixed group of ladies and a gent. We do guided meditations, breathing exercises, Om, Pranayama breathing techniques (I admit I get the worst case of the giggles doing these, sorry guys), crystal healing. With Elly and her magical powers she is able to calms and empowers us all to make the world a more harmonious place. 

After meeting Elly I've realised a lot of ways in which I've not got the best out of life. Elly talks about everything having an equal balance, so if you take from the world you have to put something back, which makes complete sense. So every negative thought or action you undertake you eventually have to give something positive back and vise versa. I'm trying hard to embrace this thought now and make better choice with day to day choices. With Elly and Chrissie I did my Reiki one course and have been using the disciplines I've learnt to 'love' myself (this is really hard as I know you'll all understand) and tried to have a more positive out look on life and be more grateful for the smallest of things. Often when I got up in the morning I'd groan as it was time to get up, it was miserable outside, the kids we moaning, I needed to to do this that and the other. Now I try to get up in the mornings a say a mental thank you for being able to get out of bed that morning, thank the birds for their beautiful song whilst I've been showering, thank you for being in a warm home with everything I need. I'm know I sound like a hippie but you know what? I don't care! This new out look has helped me a great deal the past 5/6 weeks and I'm sticking to it! 

The five principles of Reiki in trying to live by.

Work is good, the school I work in is more like extended family in lots of ways and recently it's been more evident than ever how much we all look after each other. I'm proud to talk about the school I work at. I'm passionate about it in all aspects, sometimes too passionate LOL. The simple off the cuff comments the children make that can turn a good day into an amazing day, the care and attention and love they show for everyone and thing, watching them grow into the people they're going to dazzle the world with. It's not all about the children it's the staff around you who are there to make your day sparkle, make you that surprise cup of tea or fetch your lunch without being asked, just a smile or Hello, How's you? All these things help make my day seem so much better. 

All sounds merry and bright in the world of me ATM but it hasn't all been that way. On a normal Tuesday morning at the beginning March I woke up feeling quite wheezy (I'm asthmatic) and I used my inhalers as I would normally. It had gone really cold over night and I convinced myself I would be fine it was just a 'wheezy' morning, so I went about my morning in my normal routine ignoring the breathing and lack of length in my sentences. there were at least 6 opportunities where I should of just stopped and got my blue inhaler and sorted myself out but being me and being stubborn I carried on until it was too late. 

"I don't have asthma attacks unless I'm unwell" 

"I get plenty of time to get my inhaler"
"I can use my blue inhaler and I get sorted quite quickly"
"I only ever had an ambulance called because my asthma wasn't under control" or so I thought! 

The long and short of that horrid morning is I didn't listen to MY body, to it telling me I NEEDED help NOW, to it saying NO this isn't right and sort it out NOW. Like I mentioned I have been taken by ambulance to hospital because of my asthma in the past, mainly when I'm unwell and it all kicks up or when I was first diagnosed and it wasn't under control but this was nothing like any of the other times no matter how bad it was. This time I lost consciousness, only briefly but I did. This time I'm very lucky I'm still here able to write this. This time it's scared me, frightened me, terrified me. This time I've learnt that ASTHMA isn't something to be messed with. ASTHMA can kill and if the ambulance and friends (staff) around me hadn't acted so quickly I probably wouldn't be here to write this now. No I'm not over playing my hand here I am very, very lucky things turned out the way that it did the other option isn't worth thinking about.

It could be anyone with asthma at any time, please take it seriously.

The other side of all this is that it's taken far longer to get over this than I expected, it's made life very hard, It's effected every part of me both physically and mentally. I owe everything to the people who helped me that day, I owe lots to my amazing family, my husband has been my rock. If you know me you k now how lucky I am to have Mr W as my husband he's always done loads more than the average husband, put us before all his own needs, done his up most to make sure that we have everything we need. This experience has frightened us both, he has done everything for me and made sure that my recovery has happened as best it could. When I've struggled to get up and down stairs he has cleaned the downstairs loo that we don't use so I can access it easily and without a hill of stairs to climb. Made sure that I had people visiting when he had to go back to work so I wouldn't be on my own 'just in case'. He rang regularly to check on my well being. Made jokes to lift my spirits. Came to appointments with me to support me. Listened to me as I had issues being out the house on my own by making me calm and reassuring me. He has been my everything. Would I of got through this with out him? Yes. Would I have got through this and come out the other side as well without him? No without a shadow of a doubt I wouldn't of. My Mr W I love you and am eternally grateful for all you do for us x

If you've got this far I'm grateful but there is other people I need to thank for helping me the last few weeks. Friends, lots and lots of friends. Something like this makes you realise how lucky and loved you are as a person. Many of my friends have been another rock for me. When the anxiety of being out on my own they've came and checked on me, talked me through the situation, made me go out and break my safety blankets. They've unexpectedly dropped in to check on me bringing beautiful surprises with them to lift me spirits. Cards... lots and lots of cards. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you've done xxx

Cake? Cake makes the world a better place!

So what is next? I have the rest if the Easter holidays at home with my family spending time together (when Big teen isn't at work) I'm not going to be beaten by my anxiety or the experience I've been through stop me going forward, no matter how hard it is. I'm going back to work, I'm going to make the most of every opportunity given to me, I'm going to continue being positive, friends and family are going to be a huge part of my life and we will be spending much time together xxx

Some of mothers day flowers, I feel very loved.

So that's it for now. I promise I will be back very soon 

S xxxx

Please leave me a comment to let me know what you think about this blog entry. Thank you xxx

Thursday, 12 January 2017

It's been so long.....

Sorry, it's been ages. Life as always seems to have run away with me. So what's new?

Big teen and little teen have started their new school years,  both have had rocky times but hopefully they're more settled now and the rocky parts are smoothing out.

Mr Wonderful is as wonderful as ever and working hard to make sure we are all happy and all taken care of. There's lots of times in life we take our other halves for granted, I'm as guilty as anyone else for this, but Christmas was definitely his time to shine again. He made sure we all had a fabulous time and all felt cherished. He as always puts us before himself and for this I'm always grateful.

Me? The Christmas holiday couldn't come quick enough but unfortunately it flew by far to quickly too. The best part of holidays is always finding myself again. I crocheted LOTS! There were no arguments as nobody was over tired or grumpy and life was good. We saw family, we partied, we spent time together doing stuff. It was fabulous!

So now we are back to reality, cranky teens who have started hiding in their rooms as they feel frazzled by their stressful days. Mom and Dad tired and dreaming of holidays/weekends. Planning changes for the house and holidays hopefully with lots of sun......the list goes on.

So what have you been up to?

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Time out, another goal met

Hi this is me and my recount of a life of a wife, mum and crafter all squeezed in to a working life as a TA in a primary school.

So I've done lots in the couple of days and I feel accomplished. Wednesday I went for a walk with one of my dogs. It wasn't planned other than just we were going out for a walk. The sun was out and I wanted to have time to think so the local nature reserve was where we ended up, a canopy of trees blocking us away from the rest of the world, paths we've walked a thousand times but are different each time you step through them, large watered areas that are slowly turning into bogs as thick as chocolate fudge, bugs whizzing past and bloody mosquitoes!!! I loathe those things and was fortunate enough only to be bitten once but oh my it hurts! We ambled through greeting other walkers enjoying the peace and Lillie, the dog, enjoying the freedom to just run. 

The area of the nature reserve is part of the mining area, which is all around where we live, This is the cave, I've convinced myself and others, has an metal ore of some description in it as it has a green like weathered copper in it. I really like this area of the woods and I can't explain why but I do.

The Trolls Bridge
Can you tell I work in a school? The wonderment just a few white lies these walk ways can cause. The evil troll under the bridge is lurking waiting for a juicy child to munch so stamp and shout as loud as you can to scare him and make him think your not a child. Whilst walking I found myself thinking of new tales to spin, they get wise to our tales and we need to keep adding new spins to keep their imaginations alive. I LOVE MY JOB can you tell?

The log pile twisted and snarled but full of life when you look and listen closer, easily missed as we stomped through. Again my head started to think of new tales for the new year coming up. After a short walk we crossed the bridge and found ourselves at the canal. It's so tranquil my only wish was that others would treat it with the respect it deserves and take their rubbish home with them!

New life was all around as we walked which is just beautiful to see.

Plus a swan? I don't think I've ever seen one there before. So elegant and regal with the way it glided down the canal. How can this all be just within waking distance?

How lucky are we?

The afternoon brought time with big teen, little teen was still away with her friends family. We had no real plans and all the afternoon to ourselves. We headed to the Hollybush, a local garden center. I have been dropping hints (hope your reading this HUBBY) for a garden swing. I've wanted one for years and still haven't got one and the weather up to this point had been amazing. We tested out a few and found this beauty...

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha obviously this is far too much for what I would like but they do have one in there that I really like. We went to our local Range store too and mooched about. The time we spent together I realised was precious as going out and hanging out and having a giggle are coming to the end. Being with your mom isn't cool...

Last but not least baby teen is home. Gone is the quite and thank goodness for that. We've all missed her and loved listening to her tales from her few days away. Thank you Wootons for having her. xxx

Till next time
S xxx

Monday, 25 July 2016

Crocheting and feeling guilty

Hi this is me and my recount of a life of a wife, mum and crafter all squeezed in to a working life as a TA in a primary school.

I like crocheting, a lot. I like sewing,  a lot. I like any way I can express myself creatively, a lot. So why am I feeling guilty? I've spent the last few days catching up on wips (works in progress) One wip to be exact, a blanket I started 18 months ago, and today I feel guilty for sitting catching up with drama series that have been recommended and crocheting. Yes I've made progress on it but my lovely hubby worked last night and today he's been tired today but I'm sure he would of preferred to of been out doing something than been in sat with me. Where as I'm able to sit and crochet hubby can't sit. He has to be doing something and the last few days he's done lots. We've had a couple of days just catching up with ourselves and now I feel like I need to start planning my days. 

It's too easy to loose myself in the mundane and I'm going try hard not to fall into that this holiday. So what do I do tomorrow? I'm concidering a few options a walk around a local park, window shopping around a local haberdashery or maybe I'll pop to the local garden center. I'm not sure yet but I feel the need to mooch and explore. 

The bonus in crafting is the fact it's such a sociable thing to do. I feel so lucky to have made a lot of fabulous friends through a shared enjoyment. But it's also the people who receive my work or who have seen just photos that boost your confidence by liking or commenting about what you've made. I'm going to try and get as many ideas out of my head this holiday and made. Some I know will be a disaster but I'm hoping far more will be amazing and loved by the friends who receive them.

The wip I mentioned earlier is this one. I've been doing it for it for a while..... I've decided today I'm going to get it finished if nothing else this holiday as I want to gift it to the big teen. When I mentioned it to him earlier today his face lit up. he very often moans that I've mde other people things yet he still hasn't got anything so this will be for him. I will continue with the wool I have, it's running very low, then I'll be left with the job of trying to match the colours the best I can or leaving it as it is. Obviously it would of been far easier if I'd of kept the ball bands but that would of been far too easy! I think it's new fashion wool that was gifted to me so I'll need to start the hunt in a day or 2 when its out of wool.

Something else I really like doing is finding quotes. There are loads on Pinterest and I often share ones that pop up on my Facebook. Anything from inspirational to funny. I often find myself giggling at the silliest things, I also have a knack of making myself laugh at nothing. Laughing uncontrollably is fabulous medicine. You know they sort tears streaming down your face, snorting noises erupting from God knows where, running out of breath and becoming wheezy and the best bit muscles you didn't know you had hurting in protest.

My favourite type of laughter is with friends. Most of us have a group of friends who are there to help and support us through life as we are to them. You know you have a magnificent group of friends when they're there to mop your tears, thrust alcohol or cake into your hand, laugh with you and at you, share their life with you, let you share your feelings without judging you but most of all call you a knob when you're being a knob. Honesty is all that a good friendship needs, honesty is all we need in life full stop. Yes the truth hurts at times but isn't that better than being lied to and led along? I'm fortunate to have a community of friends, they don't all know each other but they all make me who I am by being who they are. The laughter is the best part of all friendships.......well with a boozy night out a very close second. No matter where you are or what you're doing find a friend and say HI make those bonds strong as we need them as much as they need us.

To all my friends I LOVE YOU x

Until next time 
S xxx

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Family time

Hi this is me and my recount of a life of a wife, mum and crafter all squeezed in to a working life as a TA in a primary school.

Since breaking up from school I feel lots has been accomplished. I've met up with friends and family, sorted the house and have spent the day washing. How is it that simple pleasures can mean so much? Recently we bought a new washing line and today its had its busiest day. Usually I'm the kiss of death and it pours down but not this time there's been washing on it all day. The house has that wonderful outdoor dried clothes smell, it's quite a comforting smell if that makes sense.

Being out in the garden made me realise what a beautiful area we have out there. It's been much neglected since we adopted Pip the high jumper. We had to separate the patio from the garden with a higher fence so the garden really isn't used. Considering the lack of love it's thriving even if it has a few brambles poking through and with pretty weeds peppering the boarders. This holiday I intend on making it a usable area, come hook or by crook it will be an area to be enjoyed. We are so lucky to have such a large area that's been used for parties, water bomb fights,  trampolining, first steps you name it lots has happened in there. WE WILL USE IT AGAIN!

Most people who know me know I'm a bit of a bore when it comes to noticing things around me. Nature and the world around us can be so beautiful, there are far too many people happy to point out the terrible things in the world. I don't ignore it I'd just prefer to focus on the good and not get dragged down with the doom and gloom. Last night we had the most amazing sunset. I was talking to a friend on the phone and suddenly this explosion of colour happened above the houses in front of me. It was simply stunning and I felt blessed to be able to witness it. The photo really doesn't do it justice but it really was amazing.

The small teen and I spent the afternoon watching Me before You, WOW! I sure did sob. It made for interesting conversation after. While we watched this hubby and big teen went out doing some male bonding. Then we've spent the evening as a family. This is something that doesn't happen anywhere near as much as it should, one of the things about teens is them being locked away in their rooms or even out with friends. You go from being the center of their world to being a B&B, that makes days like today that much more special. Giggling about nonsense, taunting each other, conversations about old days it's been amazing. This holiday I'm looking forward to lots more days like that.

I'm still trying to suss this blogging thing out. I have lots if photos I want to share with you but I'm not 100% sure how to add them. If any appear that will be a bonus. Fingers crossed with a bit if tinkering between my phone and small teens laptop I'll get better at this malarkey lol.

Speak to you soon
S x

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Here goes the first of many x

Hi this is me and my recount of a life of a wife, mum and crafter all squeezed in to a working life as a TA in a primary shool.

Today is the first day of the summer holiday and I've slept in, as I imagine lots of school staff have. Then I've cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more.

I have set myself goals for this holiday as usually by the end of the summer holiday I end up regretting not doing more. So my immediate plans for this holiday are;

  • Create a blog  ✔
  • Deep clean the house ✅
  • Finished any craft projects (WIPs) I've got left to do.
  • Sort the garden
  • Meet up with friends I've not seen for a while (hope they still want to see me)
  • Sort my zen den and use it!
  • Spend time with my teenagers doing stuff. Just us no one else.
  • Be a family doing things that make us laugh.
  • Discover something new as often as possible.
  • Meditate often and unrushed.
  • Be happy!

As you can see not much.... I'm hoping to rediscover myself this holiday too, often when I get caught up in life I start to feel spread a bit too thin. I hope that makes sense? I am far too hard on my self so I've been told and I'm hoping to like myself more. I feel truly blessed to have a large community of friends around me who in general don't judge me or make me look an idiot when I can make such a fabulous idiot of myself.

Tonight I start on my mission to be happy, it's curry night with my work family. I can imagine the rolling eyes, it's work they're only colegues not 'family or friends' but where I work its different to that. We're often commented on by people visiting that we are just that one big family. OK we don't all get along with all our families all the time and yes some member wind you up more than other's but that's what patience and tolerance are all about. We all have that prefered aunt or uncle or the ones that we talk to when we have to but we all get on. That's what life is about. We all bring something to the table to make our lives more enriched, without each one of us or family doesn't work.  This has been an especially hard end of term for me as a work family member has left to start fresh at a new school. I'll be honest I stuck my head in the ground for ages,  months in fact. But it's felt like someone has put their foot on the accelerator and the last week flew by. I returned home to my family an emotional wreck yesterday. I refuse to get so emotional tonight, tonight is about celebration a job well done, fabulous friendships and congratulating everything we've achieved this year.

So I'm sat here writing this just before I jump in the shower,  nervous excitement fluttering in my tummy as the first day of my holiday is half way through. I've managed to tick 2 things off my list and I'm starting on the finding me and happiness.